Confessions of a control-freak-a-holic

Confessions of a control-freak-a-holic

For most of my life, I’ve been a planner. As a child, I planned the night before what I would wear to school the next day. At school, I planned what to do when I got home. My planning continued as I grew.

Having attended Lutheran schools for most of my education, I felt confident in knowing that God was always with me. I knew that I was a redeemed child of God. Like most attending Lutheran schools, I memorized the required Bible verses, sometimes wondering why it was necessary.

Years down the road, after becoming a Lutheran educator, wife, mother, and a grandmother, I thought that life couldn’t be any better—just the way I planned it! But then things happened that weren’t in my plans. I did not plan to get cancer while my father-in-law was dying from cancer. I did not plan for my mom to get dementia, or for my dad to get very sick at the same time. Those events left me spinning, but I was still trying to gain control, planning what to do next. I talked to God all the time, but I’m not so sure that I was listening to Him.

During one particularly trying time, I took time off to help my mom. I tried my best to care for her during the day, and then keep an eye open at night, making sure she was safe. One night, after tucking her in, I turned on my computer to do some work. The next thing I knew, the sun was shining on my face! I ran to check on her, and found her sleeping peacefully. I then said to God, “Wow, thanks for taking care of her during the night. I guess I fell asleep before I finished talking to you last night!” It was then that He spoke so clearly to my heart saying, “When are you going to let go, and let Me do what I do?” That moment changed me.

Sometimes we let our circumstances get in the way of hearing God. We may not hear him audibly like Moses, but we can still hear Him very clearly—when we listen. We hear God when we seek Him in His Word. We hear Him in worship. Those Bible verses engrained in my memory so long ago re-surface again at the most needed times. God tells us in Psalm 40:2 that He “sets my feet upon a rock, making my steps secure.” My burdens were nothing compared to what others experience. In our world, we see tragedy all around us, as do our students. Our Rock holds us securely in place. What a comfort and privilege it is knowing and teaching our children Psalm 18:2, “The LORD is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer, my God, my rock, in whom I take refuge, my shield, and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.” God’s rock-solid, perfect plan of salvation in Jesus Christ makes sense for us in this imperfect earthly world. We praise God for being our Rock in control.

Photo (c) KevinCarden/Lightstock

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